My fellow Americans, puff up your chests with pride. Put a new spring in your step. Feel your self-esteem rise. We have reached the elite eight of women's team table tennis!
Since it's still a few weeks until college football kicks off, and since The Metric Dash is in Beijing instead of Baton Rouge, why not apply the trusty gridiron rubric to the five-ring circus? We give you the Forde-Meter Dash.