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This week in Off The Ball, Romario claims he's is better than Messi and Racing striker Teo pulls a paintball gun.

Off the Ball: Frog-juice drinking Park Ji-Sung to help save frogs and Schelotto dumps 'too sexy' girlfriend.

This week in Off the Ball, Reds paid GBP;20m after seeing fake Downing video and Boateng sidelined by too much sex.

This week in Off the Ball, madcap Bucharest owner Gigi Becali hopes thousands of sheep will soothe his fury.

This week in Off the Ball, Adriano misses title match with party-induced diarrhoea and electric-shock football.

This week in Off the Ball, Gladbach play rock, paper, scissors during a game and a WAG mugged in Naples.

This week in Off the Ball, Lionel Messi's mother chases his ex-girlfriend with a frying pan.

This week in Off the Ball, Cafu coaches a Miss Universe Select XI and Mezut Ozil goes up in smoke.

This week in Off the Ball 'The Torturer' metes out punishment in Wolfsburg and the heavy mob roll into Xamax.

Off The Ball: Flamengo set up a Ronaldinho party hotline and Mihajlovic's stolen sunglasses.

Off The Ball: Barca ban colour photocopies to help raise transfer funds and Germany launch Octopus Idol to find a psychic successor to Paul.

This week in Off The Ball, Diego Maradona fans campaign to get his face on the 10 peso note.

This week in Off The Ball, Colombian fans smuggle a dead man into the stadium and we delve into the mind of Mario Balotelli.

This week in Off The Ball, Sao Paulo fans swim in a flooded stadium and Birmingham thank their lucky pants.

This week in Off The Ball Dion Dublin rocks the Dube with Ocean Colour Scene and Ronaldo wears nappies.

This week in Off The Ball, Newcastle offer Michael Owen a cash-plus-racehorse deal.