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There is no more beautiful sight in all of soccer. Nothing that makes the heart soar higher, the pulse race faster, the mustache go more a-quiver or the beer spray across the room with more joyous gusto. And on Sunday at the Football Factory in Ne...

It's not fair. Every Christmas, I put money into the Salvation Army kettle in spite of that incredibly annoying bell they ring. Every Arbor Day I always plant a tree -- or at least sit under one sipping a beer. And every July 4, I donate my mustache ...

I had one of those vivid, hi-def dreams Saturday, the kind where you don't want to wake up, especially after a 12-hour bender celebrating Spurs being Spurs and dropping two points at Wigan. (Imagine the damage I would have done if the Latics had actu...

It's been a horrible, crazy week but on the bright side, it now looks as if there won't be a title-clinching honor guard for Sir Alex and the Dutch weasel at the Emirates next Sunday. That's because barring a miracle -- and after Spurs' mind-boggling...

Sometime in May, Rafa Benitez will walk through the door at Stamford Bridge marked Vamonos while being careful not to bump into Jose Mourinho who, according to reports in the oh-so-reliable English press, will be swaggering through the door marked "W...

Here's what we learned during Friday night's "Chilla in Vanilla": The U.S. men's national team can win during a blinding snowstorm. Here's what we still don't know: Can they win in normal soccer conditions? Because the chances that there'll be a f...

They were waiting for me outside the bar: three Spurs fans kitted out in the odious colors of their satanic North London cult. Since they never properly introduced themselves, let's just call them Fat, Drunk and Stupid. "Guess you'll need a new ja...

Dear Stan, I have written to Arsene twice in the last two years to little effect, so I have decided to move up the food chain. I know you don't like to get directly involved in the running of your sports teams but given your $450 million investmen...

I admit it. I looked out of my New York City window on Saturday morning, saw what looked like Nemo-geddon, hit the snooze button, knocked over my half-drunk glass of Stella, and went back to dreaming of an English team winning the Champions League. ...

Until Sunday, I could only think of two reasons I would leap off my bar stool to celebrate a Spurs goal. One involves an electric cattle prod connecting with my nether regions. The other concerns a dream I've had in which Jennifer Lawrence rocks a To...

Wouldn't it have been nice if just this once, we could have watched two of the Premier League's best teams play a match that was decided by the 22 players on the field? Or am I simply being too demanding? No wonder Man City fans sent back those 90...

Imagine if this time last year you had turned to the guy on the barstool next to you and said: "Hey pal, care to wager that Man City will win the Prem title on a 93rd-minute goal by Sergio Aguero on the final day of the season?" Or perhaps: "Wanna be...

For 5,125 years, the Mayans have been telling us that the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012, but they may have missed their mark by five days. Or at least that's the prevailing feeling among Arsenal fans, who are convinced that the apocalypse will arri...

Just when Chelsea was morphing into something vaguely likable, its trio of young, technical ball wizards allowing you to momentarily move beyond all the toxic distractions -- the racial abuse, the idiotic tweets and the lurid controversies over hands...

LONDON -- "Hey Ade," I shouted to Emmanuel Adebayor, calling him by the name favored by his old friends and older enemies. "You stink, mate." It was 20 minutes before the start of the North London derby at the Emirates and I was 10 yards away from...

Over the past two years, readers of "Kicking and Screaming" columnist David Hirshey may have noticed a slight bias in his posts. Call it a pathological need to reference Arsenal no matter what team he's writing about. In an essay that first appeared ...