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At this very moment, there are no matches being played at the Australian Open. This is true for two reasons: (1) Everyone's asleep, because it's early in the morning, and (2) we, the East Coast liberal media elite, need time to write about what happe...

Editor's Note: During this year's Australian Open, 12-and-under consolation bracket pioneer Rembert Browne is reporting back after each round with the things you missed while you were sleeping, at Sundance, or changing your name from Billy Cundiff to...